A loss yipee!!!!!!

Well weigh in was monday night, and guess what yep you guessed it I lost 1.1kgs. I dont know how because my food choices last week were atrochious (I think thats how you spell it?) Im not complaining about my loss i am happy, but just was a bit shocked. As in week 6 I put on 2.6kgs the week before that I had lost 1.3 kgs so we didnt work out why i put on 2.6kgs just put it down to fluid.

I might be getting a new job which is closer to home. Its literally down the road so that means I can ride and walk to work. Its 3 days a week which is perfect for me. I find out on friday. Fingers crossed.

I couldnt believe what aj rochester said on the show big news week. She made jokes about the contestants lose skin and hang it up to dry. How very sad the people on the show were trying to give her the hint to shut up. But she carried on like a school kid in a school yard. Being a host youd think she was not allowed to say things like that about the contestants. But she did oh my god. She was my role model now i m not to sure about that now. What is she to judge when she was in the same boat as everybody else she lost 30kgs and she did it in front of the camera. How dare she. I am so disgusted at what she said.

My goal for this week is to do some exersice videos (the weight watchers video) to see if that will help with the weight loss.

ANOTHER DOCTORS VISIT

Just went to the doctors today to get a doctors certificate as i was sick on thursday. We got chatting then next thing I knew I broke down and cried myself silly. We talked about my blood sugars, weight, polly citic ovaries, blood pressure(which was good 110/65.) She suggested a lot other alternatives to my weight loss like do surgery I said no way, then she said about a tablet i said i didnt want to go on the speed one.

She said exersice and food portion control is the big key to weight loss success.

It is time for me to focus on me and getting myself healthy no matter how long it takes. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself, everyone else wants to help me and give me adivice, tips, motivation I take it all on board i start thinking too much about it and then lose focus. but no more I want to walk into the doctors surgery and say look at me mow.

BEFORE SHOTS

As you can see here are my before photos.






































As you can see I am not impressed with these photos. I didnt realised i look liked that. Well I mean i know i am hugely fat and obese but it shocked me to realise i look like this. Imagine what people must think of me when they see me. My god when i saw me i just wanted to die .

Maybe this is one of my wake up calls you know the one that makes you jump into action and seize the moment. Well I have had plenty of these but dont last for too long.
Another thing that happend today was I got joshie to do a birthday card for his daddy which is tomorrow. He draw a picture of daddy, joshie, mummy (mummy he said as he was drawing you have a big belly and he drew a big circle to represent my large frame). I was humilated, distressed but i didnt let him know I congratulated him on his beautiful drawing. You know what kids see the honest truth and they are not shy in about telling it to you either. But maybe that is what I need to get the ball rolling something like this incident today with joshie drawing.

I just love food, but why do i let it rule me?

Why cant I take control?

I have a push bike sitting in the carport doing nothing except collecting dust.
I know I just need to toughen up, get going, and take the bull by the scruff of his neck and tackle it with full strength and not letting go.

I know the benefits of a healthy lifestyle would be worth all the pain and anguish. But I just dont want food or my mind to control my every action in life. I want to be strong, I want to be free, I want to be beautiful, I want to be a role model fo rmy sun I want to do it for me, to do it for me I need to love myself and stop putting myself down. The only person who can do it is ME!
I dont look happy in these photos do I? So what is stopping me? self doubt, scared of pain, scared of being a failure.
But if I dont do something now the worst thing that will happen to me is that I will DIE!!!! It is not too late to do something, I just got to get my head right, but how do i do that?

Aargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well what can I say? This week has been a shocker. The bushfires, the floods and work. Friday at work I felt like I wasnt getting anywhere. One minute I am here next minute I am there.. I was getting frustrated and emotional with everything. One good thing that came out of friday I got a new cockatiel bird and joshie named him "noodles" so cute it actually suites him. He is a pearl cockatiel with specs of grey my other bird garfield they get on pretty good few pecks here and there to sort out who rules the nest etc but they are good. (our other bird teddie flew away)Joshua was so upset when we told him, we now have the cage inside.

On saturday Joshie had his first birthday party to go to he had a great time, the other parents were friendly as well. Then we came home had lunch and watched some videos together. Then his nan and grandad came to pick him up for the night.
When Tristan came home I said i am going to clean this god damn house the walls especially they were absolutely filthy. I was proud i got that all done.
That night we went to bed, i started crying tris said whats wrong? I did talk he persisted and i broke down and cried as i was frustrated at myself. I asked why can I put alot of umf into cleaning the house and being committed to finish the job, but why cant I be committed to my weight loss journey? I just want to take the weight loss bull by the horns and tackle it with both hands and never let it go and never give up.
Tristan says weight loss is hard work and you will be in pain but it will be worth, he said look at me i live with pain all day everyday, but i keep perservering with life and just get on with it. He said I didnt think about the hard work that was ahead of me, i just did it. and he said i felt good because i achieved a goal.I just want to take pride in my house and pride in myself. How hard can that be....?

chit chat

Today i have been bad, i had a pig out day, i had sausage roll a vanilla slice, plain chips,and a bag of party mix lollies. Though for dinner i made a recipe from the new magazine bqq stirfry with rice it was yummy.

Tomorrow i will be having weetbix for breaky, lunch chickpea salad with tuna, dinner dont know what i feel like for dinner.
On the exersice part of things havent done much of that yet, but i am going to get in and scrub all the main walls of the inside of the house like lounge room etc... they are absolutly filthy. so that should get me sweating. I hopefully i will lose weight on monday night.

The rain is back at least we had 3 days of full sun, yeah. It felt nice, but it got a bit too hot though.

Work tomorrow, i really need a change in my work situation childcare just doesnt do it for me anymore. My friend know this guy that helps out to find a job she is going to talk to him for me and we can go from there.

I hope i can get something soon, childcare is getting me down too much politically correct jargon, policies etc...Dont get me wrong i love the kids everyday they bring special moments which make your day.

Joshie got his first school bday party to go to on saturday, he is really excited.

I will not pigout at this party.

weigh in

• well it was weigh in tonight, and too my dismay i have put on again only 0.1kgs but I told my leader about my doctors visit this week and said that my doctor is very pleased with my results, blood pressure is 120/77
  
  blood sugar levels have dropped before breaky 18 down to 12 still a little high but getting there, before/after lunch 6-7 before dinner 7-8.
  
  Tonights meeting was very appropriate for me, she says even though we focus more on the scales we forget about the other factors in our lives, like our health is improving , measurements, dropping dress sizes, etc...
  As i have been focusing just on the scale side of things.
  This weeks goals are:
  
  drink more water
  
  track, track , track
  
  exersice will be doing ww exersice video this week
  
  well thats it for now Praying for the people in victoria how sad.
  
  
  
  take care
  
  

rain

I wish we could send the rain down to where it is needed. To help with the fires I hope they catch the fire bug/s that had started the fires get put into jail for life, when there has been at lot of loss life due to these fires. Firebugs to realise what damage they do when they light these fires. They get a rush from it, but dont think about the consequences.
Dont they realise firre is dangerous?

No motivation - feeling like a failure!

Well where do i start? In the last week I have had family sized block of kit kat chocolate, large family packet of salt and vinegar chips, just had kfc, went to sizzler for lunch.

I have lost all motivation, because of my gain of 2.6kg last monday. I am sick and tired of this damn rain. We have got enough please let it stop. I know down south there is a heatwave going on, but we are never happy when it is sunny we say its too hot bring on the rain, and when it is raining lots like this we say bring on the sunny weather. I have never seen so much rain and water lying around. I cant my washing done, washing is piling high, we can only do little loads at a time and wait till that load is dry on the line before we can do the others.

I have done no exersice or stayed within my points total. I am so tired of making excuses, why cant I just shutup stop complaining and making excuses and just get on with it? It is for life this weight loss journey, but why cant I stay focused?

I am tired of working in childcare, its too much political correct stuff policies and procedures,

I have been feeling like i have been targeted for people to make me feel stupid. I am tired of people telling me how to do my job.

We lost power twice today one time at 6am in the morning for about an hour and then tonight at 650pm for an hour. we pay good money to have electricity why cant this power company keep regular maintence on the power boards etc.... We had a power box go up in flames that is why we lost power, but still..........

I want to be a good mum and be active with my little boy. I want my son to feel proud of his mummy and not worry of people talking about me saying im fat etc... I want my husband to have a wife that is healthy and sexy (he only wants me to be healthy and grow old with him) I want to be able enjoy spending time with him in our bedroom (if you know what i mean!)

I want alot of things to happen for me and i know that i am the only one who can make it happen, and noone else can make it happen for me except for me. Everyone can encourage me and give me advice but it is up to me to make it happen.

D-DAY WEIGH IN DAY.

well i went to weigh in last night and i am so disappointed with myself. I put on 2.6kgs. I went to a new meeting and they have the big scales, and at my old meeting they had the small scales because the big scales werent working.
I know i had a little breakout on friday, but the rest of the week i was pretty good. Had a bbq on sunday, but i ate steak and salad etc... but thats it.
i havent been doing any excersice due to the wet weather, but that should not be an excuse. I have got heaps of exersice videos, a push bike, hand weights, stretchy bands you name it ive got it. So i have all the means to do a workout, but the problem is for me to get moving and staying motivated to keep moving.
I look at all of the blogs and see what other people have done, and i go wow how amazing. Why cant i do it and just get on with it? Looking at other people before and after pics, i say wow they make it look easy, but i know it was tough work.
I wont to do this for life, i dont wont to give up anymore, i wont live my life, see my son grow up get married and have kids, i wont to be a grandma i wont to grow old with my husband.
Why do i think so much about weight loss and say if i do this and do that why cant i just do it and get on with it? I am always making those damn excuses under the sun.